I am about to offend 90% of my readers, and I apologise in advance, however, I feel compelled to bring this subject to topic for the improvement and development of human understanding. The topic at hand is handedness, specifically the fact that left handed people are better then right handed people. I use the term "better" because I feel it is vague enough to create an element of mystery, yet it undeniably and unquestionably described left handed people in the literal sense.
To the 10% of people in the world who are left handed, this fact comes to you at no surprise, and I hope that you are comfortable that I have "outed" us. Hopefully, this will not create too many personal conflicts with your right handed friends and loved ones. I fear that with their limited cognitive ability and struggle to comprehend our naturally intuitive and sensitive nature, the right handed persons may become confused, unnecessarily competitive, fearful, and attempt to insinuate our inferiority as they have done in the past. This is how the "righty" deals with his/her feelings of inadequacy.
To the Left Handed: If a conflict occurs within your personal relationships with a righty following this announcement, take percussion. Do not make any sudden movement or speak in a loud tone. Instead be sure to encourage the right handed person, while remaining calm, to let them know that you care for them despite their prominent right hand. Also, stress that one can not choose their handedness. This will help the "righty" to understand that they are not at fault, thereby eliminating any feelings of failure and self hatred that may develop.
Exhibit #1 Notable Left Handed People (evidence of superiority)
Albert Einstein
Aristotle
Barack Obama
Pablo Picasso
Amedeus Mozart
Ludwig Van Beethoven
Benjamin Franklin
Alexander the Great
Thomas Jefferson
Bob Dylan
David Byrne
David Bowie
Robert Plant
Oprah Winfrey
Friedrich Nietzsche
M.C. Etcher
Joan of Arc
Franz Kafka
Helen Keller
Julius Caesar
Leonardo di Vinci
Bill Clinton
John F. Kennedy
H.G. Wells
Hans Christian Anderson
Jerry Seinfeld
Marilyn Monro
Paul McCartney
Bill Gates
Mark Twain
Winston Churchill
Lewis Carroll
Neil Armstrong
Buzz Aldrin
Jean-Paul Gaultier
Probably God.
Posts
I think that you want to change the word percussion to precaution?
ReplyDeleteAs you know, I have always known of your superiority, Oh Great One!!!
ReplyDeleteAs the poster boy for left-handedness, I've got all the drawbacks not much of any of the attributes that left-handedness is purported to bestow.
ReplyDeleteMy story that in attempting to exchange the "gifts" I received in life, God told me, "Sorry, those were final sale. No returns, exchanges, refunds".
Lefties have not been treated very kindly, either in society, language usage as well.
Words that mean left/lefty in foreign languages include French, "gaunche", tacky, unrefined and in Italian, Latin, "sinistre", sinister, criminal.
As they are both lefties please add President Bush Senior, President Obama to the list.
Can’t believe Jimi Hendrix was forgotten and my daughter! Haha
ReplyDelete